I've read practically every article on the internet about why you should be thankful for your significant other breaking up with you because I was desperately searching for any scrap of positivity in what seemed like a very bleak existence. I was sixteen and in love for the first time (what I thought would be the only time) and only valued myself because he valued me and was petty, jealous and clingy and couldn't fathom why someone so incredible could ever love me. And then one day he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore and I wasn't sure how to move forward.
I was stripped bare. My identity had been linked to him. I filled his 6'2" void with other boys and played with their feelings and hurt a lot of people. I wrote a collection of vignettes about how he broke my heart and read it in front of an English class full of my peers, some of whom laughed at me sharing my still fresh pain (even though it was nine months later). I dated someone else.
I tried my best to get over him.
It still baffles me that someone could wake up one day and just not want to be with me but it's been two years now. I don't miss him but I miss having someone. I miss catching glances meant only for me and sneaking kisses at stop lights and interlacing fingers.
As much as I may miss those moments, however, I wouldn't trade them for the person that I have become.
In having to redefine myself without him, I found self-confidence, identity, and purpose. Yes, I'm still insecure, and yes, I still tend to base my self-worth off of other people's opinions of me - but it's an improvement. I grew as a feminist and took the time to educate myself on what being a feminist meant and did my best to inform other people. I started ordering food for myself...I'm not kidding, I had a hard time doing that! Senior year of high school requires a lot of decision making and I can't honestly say that proximity to my boyfriend wouldn't have been a main factor in choosing a college. I chose Holy Cross for the right reasons and couldn't be happier. I don't even recognize the person I was two years ago and I think I'm happy about that. I have strength of character and self-realization that I don't think I could have had without having my heart broken.
I think those articles about why you should be thankful for "that person who broke your heart" are missing the biggest point: being alone allows you to confront yourself, do a little soul-searching, figure out who you are. Yes, you will learn that life goes on, you can love again, that you are strong enough to get through it - but if you search enough, you'll find yourself in the rubble that is your broken heart.
[So, if you ever read this...thank you.]
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